The Man Who Isn’t Waiting
This morning I pulled up on my scooter and a girl parked next to me. She said hi, big smile — how are you doing? I said great, how are you? I heard her accent. Irish. We had one of those instant connections. She asked for my Instagram before I walked away.
I’m also getting to know someone else right now. And I’m not dating anyone. And I’m completely fine.
This is what psychological sovereignty looks like in real life — not as a strategy, not as a game, but as a way of being.
A few weeks ago I was letting a woman pursue me. Staying back, not initiating, playing it cool. And at some point I thought — what about my own inclinations? What about taking a risk?
That’s not sovereignty. That’s armour with a different name.
Real sovereignty is showing up fully — to the girl on the scooter, to the woman you’re getting to know, to your clients, to your life — and trusting yourself to handle whatever comes back.
You take the risk. You follow your inner knowing. And if you get a no, you’re fine. Not because you didn’t care. Because you trust that life will bring the next thing.
Here’s what my days look like right now:
CrossFit at 8am at Wanderlust. Padel four times a week. A run club. Boxing on Sundays. Every evening — I put on a vinyl record. Alicia Keys, John Legend. I sit on the couch and I actually listen.
I go for beach walks. I work with clients Monday to Friday. I have a full life.
I am not waiting for the right woman to make it fuller. I am not on dating apps refreshing to see if someone swiped right. I’m not anxious about who’s going to text me back — in business or in love.
I’m building a life worth showing up to. And I trust that the right person walks into a life like that and recognises it.
The psychological principle underneath all of this comes from Sydney Banks — the man whose insight changed my entire understanding of the human mind:
Experience doesn’t come from the outside. It comes from within.
The man who knows this doesn’t need the night out to feel alive. He doesn’t need the validation to feel worthy. He doesn’t need certainty about the future to feel grounded in the present.
He sits with uncertainty. He lets the feeling pass. He takes the risk anyway.
And he goes home, puts a record on, and is genuinely content.
That’s what I coach. And more importantly — it’s how I live.
If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you.
Michael Stenhagen — The Freedom Architect
