The Milano effect

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Recently, with my Coach Karen Davis, I had a priceless breakthrough about competing in a transformational conversation with her. I have habitually competed with the world in everything I do. Crossfit, life coaching, and so on. Then I realized in a conversation with her that I only needed to compete with myself. This realization brought a wave of relief and liberation, as I understood that in this way, I always grow exponentially and don’t pressure myself so much. I recently participated in a competition in Milan where I pressured myself in my mind in advance of the competition. In that regard, I never wanted to think about that competition just a few days before. Not thinking about it makes me feel less pressured.

I needed to prepare for that competition. You qualified by sending a video online, and then you got straight to the final with three events—three different CrossFit exercises. I am so glad I did it, and I learned from my coach to think like a CEO. Decide how many competitions you do in a year and stick to those. Don’t question those, and have peace of mind. It worked to a certain degree.

During a conversation with Karen after the competition, I had a deeper realization about being secure within myself. This was a similar breakthrough I had in her accelerator in October last year, where I transitioned from being avoidant to secure in my relationships. I saw that I was pressuring myself because being an 8 in the Enneagram is very competitive. I recently took a test with her to find my enneagram style. I am an 8 with a seven wing. 8 is a style that is striving for power. I realized in a conversation with Karen that I only needed to compete with myself.

I misunderstood about competing before that conversation and was afraid I wouldn’t be as committed to my business if I trained too much. I went back to the insecure 4-year-old before I was adopted.

I am deeply thankful that I do not need to go back to the 4-year-old in my mind anymore and that I feel solid inside me every day as it goes. I will do another accelerator round with Karen in beautiful Colorado this summer. It will be wildly productive, I am sure. My body is saying it is not safe when someone cares too much. Now that I know that, I can be present in my feelings.

Thanks to the Milano trip, I became vulnerable in front of several hundred people. I was in RX (which is the hardest level), and there were only four men in RX. I got 4th place in every event. The love and support I received from the crowd, despite my placement, filled me with gratitude and a sense of connection. I was so grateful, even though it was a humbling feeling to be last. I need to be more prepared for my next competition.

I suddenly remembered a lesson not to say you are number 1 if you are number 4. It’s nice in CrossFit because whenever you are last, you get the most support. The only sport is like this. Thanks, Karen, for the breakthroughs. Competing with myself in anything will give me peace of mind and allow me to move more efficiently, both in sports and my business. A more profound realization of this and becoming more secure and solid is priceless.

I am leading a 3-month program for men starting at the end of this month. It ends with a retreat in beautiful Portugal. We will dive into the masculine and feminine energies. Only five spots are left, starting in a couple of weeks. The prospect of this group, where I can further explore the concept of competing with myself, fills me with excitement and anticipation. Competing with the world is masculine. Being loving, kind, and sensible to others is feminine. Competing with myself makes sense. I will cover more about this later.


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